CDs are dead…

CDs are dead. Dead dead dead. No more CDs and…

ooh, courier at the door with box. Whatsis.

Oh, it’s the Plastikman CD box set. Bloody hell. You could use this to press some flowers that’s for sure. 11 discs? Jesus.

Better get on the phone.

Hello? Is that Germany? Speak English, this is music industry. Yes. Yes, fine thanks.

Now listen, about these CDs. Any CDs. Didn’t you get the memo? CDs are dead. Yes. Tot. No more discs. You have to stop making these large attractive physical objects. No I’m not… it’s not… look, I’m not in charge. You have to read some of the internet analysts to … analysts. An – al – list. Ja. Steve Jobs says that discs are over. Yes I know he retired but he’s still… …  … … I don’t think that’s physically possible. Even with a cassette.

Look I just thought I’d tell you that you’re doing something that the media says is dead and buried, you’re supposed to host this sort of thing online and try move it through the cloud. The cloud. Cloud. um Wolke? Yes, very funny. CDs, DVDs, Blu Rays are all finished and you’re supposed to not use them anymore. Well I’m just saying. Same to you.

Well that was unpleasant. I don’t know what is with people that just refuse to move on when media analysts tell them. We all know that films are on YouTube and music is on iTunes and that’s it. What is this guy going to do next? Vinyl? Books? Lord above people don’t want physical objects!

Now where on earth am I going to put this thing?

Samples I don’t need anymore

MOOG BASS 1

That was the thing in 1990 something. Borrow that Moog you could never afford and sample the crap out of it. End up with a floppy full of burps and bleeps with digital aliasing hissing through the fade. Of course you could spend a day making a single waveform loop to get rid of the tail, moving the HEX values 0n the LED display. Which defeated the purpose, seeing as the filter on your sampler was in no way equal to the Moog you couldn’t afford. I don’t even like Moogs.

FAIRLIGHT

Nothing says QUALITY quite like an 8 bit sample of an 8 bit sampler. 40 percent sizzle, 60 percent reverb. I think I found a use for the Fairlight orchestra hit once – in making the joke track Your Kidneys. (Which people still watch on You Tube thinking it’s a documentary).

AKAI CHOIR

Oh boy I can have 1000 identical women go AAAH in the background of my dance tracks. This is cyber.

GRNDPIANO

Actually the piano on the Mirage and the EPS16 was pretty cool. I still have my ESQ-M hardware if I wanted that, or the VSTi is pretty close. But this sample is the time where I tried to get a decent piano sound to fit in the 2MB of RAM of the EPS16 and ended up with honky tonk R2 D2.

EPIANO

I seriously don’t get the fascination with electric pianos. Seems like every software house has to have at least one electric piano VSTi. It just makes me think of SuperTramp and that’s a dark, dark place to be.

909KIT

I didn’t much like the 909 drum machine when it came out. The 808 was defiantly electronique, but the 909 just failed at being a real kit. Those squelchy toms y’know? Anyway, you could be ambivalent by dissing the machine and then secretly sampling it, and I did.

727KIT

Man, that New York Latino Disco boom was short lived. Glad I didn’t end up buying one of those. Have I ever used this sample bank? What is a clave anyway?

SOMETHING.K25

I am glad I have a folder full of Kurzweil samples. Now all I need is a K2500 synthesiser from 1996 and I’m set!

VIOLIN

The violin is an exceptionally expressive instrument which takes years of practice to master. This, on the other hand, is shit. Press key, make violin. Press again, make same violin. Samplers were just the worst idea ever when you think about it.

2VIOLINS

That chorusing effect of two samples at once is simply marvellous! My God, what a living breathing effect that is!

BURPS 

I’m keeping this one. It’s ahead of its time.

FUNKYDRUM

Ah yes here it is, the complete bottom of the 1990′s music catastrophe. No matter what you were doing -  from country to opera, there had to be that fucking horrible Amen Beat shoved through the whole thing. Remember ‘remixed rock’? Every tired old rock cliché with Funky Drummer run underneath it. God what a piss weak decade.

ARP2600

Funny thing that I went to all the trouble of finding and sampling the ARP, when to listen to it now it could have been any generic analogue synthesiser at all for the excitement it brings. With old synthesisers you’re better off taking a photograph to capture the dust and wood grain. The Wikepedia page is just a list of people who used one. Depeche Mode has four. Thrill me.

BELL

Lucky for me I owned a real DX-7 synthesiser or I’d probably have a entire folder full of samples called bell, gong, boing, clang, ping and all the other noises that FM dished out. I think this is a real bell, it’s hard to tell when it’s 8 bit.

SAX

Why in the name of all that is holy did I collect a sample of a saxophone? What was I going to do with it? Something for a soft core sex scene set in 1974? For God’s sake, a sampled saxophone. The thing is wretched anyway, even without the ineffectual 2 second alternating loop. I have never used this on anything.

I should just delete this whole damn folder. Nuke it from orbit.

Jed From Landis

Jed worked at Landis Music back in the early 80s. He sold pianos, and increasingly synthesisers. Jed was the man who found me a whole KORG MS modular system for $250. That immediately places him in Master of the Universe status.

Up on the wall was a picture of Jed in white tuxedo with a white bow tie, sitting at a piano. I seem to remember there were balloons in the background but that might be confabulation from the grog. The photo was from when he played the piano on cruise ships. I like to think that many pretty ladies swooned to hear him play and would drift to his cabin after all night tinkling. But then I know a guy that DJ’ed on a cruise ship years later and he said that most of the ladies tended to be rolled up and down the decks in wheelbarrows by their husbands.

I would buy just about anything Jed pointed at. I bought a whole host of Electroharmonix drum padsCrash Pads, Syndrums and a thing called a Clockworks which was the ‘brain’ of the pads, if by brain you mean something that could count to 12. I still have that. The rest of it I hit too hard and broke. Jed said it was as if somebody had dropped bricks on them.

I was looking at synthesisers one time and it was a big decision between this and that – back then you’d get a new synthesiser maybe once a year, not like virtual instruments. I asked Jed about it and he said – people spend their life learning how to play the piano.


And as always if Jed said it, it is best to think hard upon it.

The day I walked into a room of my house and saw all the synthesisers I owned piled up in a circle like an electronic Stonehenge – it was Jed’s axiom that came to mind. I got rid of almost all of them, sold them, gave them away, passed them on at cost*. Over the years however, Stonehenge just moved from reality onto the hard drive. Around the beginning of this year it was ImageLine’s Harmless virtual synthesiser. I didn’t want another, but it was on special… and… it sounded nice and…

The first synthesiser I bought, I knew every tiny tweak and turn, every minor movement that would get the thing to do exactly what I wanted. Same for the MS20, I can still work that thing with my eyes closed, get everything from a woman’s voice to a planet dissolving. But let’s be honest: I have much less command over Absynth or Reaktor, MaxMSP or even Harmless. Just don’t have the patience or the time to sit and learn every control. I don’t really need Pro Tools plus Ableton Live plus FL Studio plus Soundtrack Pro. No one does. Anyone who has a passion for music struggles to focus their libido on composing and not on shopping. Like Stewart says, by the time you get electronic music gear set up you’ve forgotten the inspiration that led you there. He’s gone back to the bassoon.

This is a wider issue. Imagine a pack of baying hounds, running here and there chasing whatever fox or rumour of fox is current. The hounds at front are lost but they bark the loudest. Right now they are barking about one thing, tomorrow it’ll be something else; anything will do so long as it allows the chase to keep going. The running about never touches on the heart of the matter – it’s all about chasing ‘solutions’ to things we didn’t need solved.

Some are barking about HTML5 which apparently will bring a revolutionary change to the workings of the Internet – I guess the same change that VRML was going to bring back in ‘94, or perhaps DHTML or what about SVG; there’s been yapping going back a long way. They woof: HTML5 will free the slaves forced to use Adobe Flash (quite happily up to this point) – although how a banner advertisement will be any less annoying when open source remains mysterious.

Very few things made in Flash have so far been beautiful.
Maybe we should concentrate on that rather than learn another way to do the same thing.

There’s one hound up front with a turtle neck sweater and little round glasses – his yapping is all about how a particularly virginal mobile phone will not have any Flash derived software – it would defile the purity. The howling and baying strikes up across the pack: the phone won’t run Flash… but then it doesn’t run HTML5 either. In fact it won’t properly display many web pages, and the whole browsing experience is like knitting a sweater for ants.

Maybe the entire idea of reading on a telephone needs questioning.

There’s another pack of dogs who are howling for more touch screens, more knobs and ribbons and heart rate monitors and Wiimotes and anything else that could possibly modulate a sound or an image. They’ve forgotten that they were once seeking these things to make better music. The audience finds them irrelevant and are increasingly happy with Led Zeppelin. I can’t tease them enough but it’s hopeless, they can’t hear above the noise.

The endless hunt is empty and pointless but the hounds rush on to the next great idea for delivering nothing, faster. Will it be a cloud or pad or a thrown stick? Who knows, they don’t. Their baying deafens our ears.

I am not about to trash my laptop and go live in a tree. That’s pointless. Jed’s advice was to stop and use what you have – REALLY use it – in the service of inspiration. Hold the upgrades: I want to learn how to play an instrument, not buy ‘solutions’. I want to clear my mind of all the shit that pundits and marketers, CEOs and fan boys keep trying to wedge in there. I think we should tell them to get out of our face and we’ll be far better artists for it.

BTW don’t wait for the academics to lead the changes. I just got this in an email:

“This concept will need to incorporate a vibrant materialism of the image’s sensory and cognitive strata and an evanescent immaterialism of its affective qualities. Rather than locate our conference in the space of negotiation between disciplines or media (the “inter-“), we propose the opposition, transit and surpassing of the interdisciplinary by a “transdisciplinary aesthetics”, and its conceptual and physical practice of a “transdisciplinary imaging.”

Trans – the upgrade to Inter.

* Recently a ‘lifestyle’ magazine contacted me for an interview. Everything seemed to be in place until I mentioned I didn’t have any ‘old gear’. That killed it; I mean who wants to talk about music when you can stand in front of old gear.

Sex Fetish of the Ancients

Students! It is we! Long silenced due to lack of funds, The Faculty of Recall has just received a grant to plot the exciting history of rafts. “Lives are built on rafts” as the saying goes – but a little of that stipend we shall devote to our patient Junior Science friends.

Thank you for the letters you have sent to us! We had no idea that people were alive in so many places! We treasure them all but it can’t hurt to mention some of our favourites. Hello to Issi in Ice Land – a land made of ice is wonderful (but The Faculty of Physics were very sceptical when we told them). And to Yuri in faraway Omsk whose letter came via the water trail from Mumanak. Nathaniel says greetings from Al Aska. Hello also to our familiar friend Margethe in New Nuuk, Green Land.

This time we are looking at a recurring fragment from the pre Oops days – this strange blue rectangle:

c64screen

Those of you that have been following this series would recognise it as a simple design from The Gap. Some of it is deceptively obvious, some is beyond our wildest guesses. Literally translated it reads: “Rank greater than captain, 64, simple, Second World War rocket(?) – 64K, male sheep biological structure(?), 38911 simple bites(?) free. Ready.”

We are sure you find that as unhelpful as do we.

Frankly this is not a message that can be understood with a modern mind. The ancients, as we have seen time and time again, had a proto-mind that straddled that of man and the animals on which they flew about – some of their thoughts are like our dreams – others are based on magic concepts alien to our scientific world.

We can develop a guess based upon common sense and other artefacts from the period. Firstly, this image is found very often in digs, so it must be an important or at least popular item. Secondly, the word ‘commodore’ is an old word that is still in use today for a 10 raft officer, which you would agree is a very important posting. ’64′ is likely to be the age of a person – it is always 64 and never older than that. Which must surely lead to the conclusion that we are seeing a memorial to a naval officer of some sort. So what is meant by ‘basic’ and ‘V2′? This is not even an ancient name but – recalling our own history we come up with famous raft captains of legend such as Captain ‘Rusty Birdhook’ Evans & Admiral ‘Clubber’ McJollo. This surely is a similar use of nickname for some great achievement of this primitive seafarer – and from what we know of the Second World War (which drove the Germans back up onto Mars), he or she must have been a great warrior. A rocket was a flying animal that fought in wars and we know from pictures that the V2 was a very large rocket indeed.

So great was this Commodore that people seem to have carried the memorial around with them inscribed on small shrines.

P800

As great as the person may have been we cannot think that their ‘gravestone’ would be carried about unless there is more to this than we first expect. Consider the next part of the message: again the age, with a K attached – frankly we know not why, then a confusing reference to a male sheep ‘system’. We know that sheep were animals, we now know what animals were like, we also know that the male sheep is used as a symbol of virility in other writings we have collected. If the ram was used here as a symbol of potency the clues start to arrange themselves: Our great man is being used to ensure fertility.

Does your head spin to try comprehend the ancients? Put yourself in a half sleep. Dull your logic. This is a time of magic – where likeness could often mean equality. The great man dies (we suspect a man based upon this magic) and yet his energy is captured in this fetish – if you keep his name close to you during the act of love your offspring will be as he – bold and powerful.

The blue square is likely some formalised vision of the sea on which this man sailed. 38911 has no meaning for us; perhaps it is a magical number or the number of people on his rafts – we suspect that as it is followed by his nickname and ‘bytes’ it could be the number of enemy he killed in the conflicts he fought or perhaps as it implies – captives freed. Truly an astronomical number! The ancients loved to exaggerate numbers whenever possible.

Here at UNP we are gaining respect for this long gone civilisation – true, they knew nothing of science but their lives were full of mystery and enchantment. Every year we discover more puzzling evidence of a past that seems like a madman’s poem. In our softer moments we ponder: perhaps it is not that we are right and they were wrong – it is just that living on the ground, queuing, at places where the spin of the world was noticeable in tides and nights that came every day … how could one expect any mental overlap between these people and their polar descendants? No – they are as distant from us as the Martians. But more about them in the next instalment!

An ancient person, not in a queue.

An ancient person, not in a queue.

Computer games are movies. Get over it.

There. Got your attention.

The problem revealed by The Spirits Within and The Polar Express; that synthetic actors look like freshly dug corpses dragged about on invisible meat hooks – this is not going to hold Hollywood back for too many more years.

Please view this pictorial comparison. One of these is DAZ3D’s latest ‘unimesh’, Victoria 4.2. The other is a bag full of Botox called Nichole Kidman.

popup_7kidmanms0809_468x651 In case you’re not sure, the one on the left is the download. Neither of these ladies can act, but the download is free, can be any age, skin colour, body weight or whatever you need. Instantly. Doesn’t date junkies, whine for millions or run to the tabloids. Clothing is about 12 bucks a dress.

Being a unimesh she can also be male if required.

Now we’ve been promised this future almost as many times as flying cars, but it has tenacity, great tenacity, getting more urgent as Hollywood struggles to find a foothold. They are in the same boat as recording artists and that boat is The Titanic. They are going to build a bridge over Uncanny Valley and it will be a 8 lane highway. Yes, they had to retreat back to toys and ants and jungle animals, but it was a strategic retreat and the counter attack is not far off.

This is the problem: recording is no longer tenable. Performance is safe, plot, cinematography, soundtrack – all of that is still needed, but the idea that you have only one recording of an artistic performance is not long for this world. Musicians can’t sell albums, Hollywood can’t sell films – we have lost respect for them because we think (perhaps foolishly) we can do them ourselves and we want to at very least ‘mash up’ our own take on our entertainment.

The recording is only as old as the phonograph and the cinematographe. They are technologies that have had a good run, but like the panorama and the zoopraxiscope they can’t last for ever. And this is not simple ‘modernist’ progress but a cycle backwards to find a fresh way forward.

We will have a format where there’s potential for different outcomes, paths, unexpected twists. Sometimes you have one leading lady, next time it could be two men. Set the action in Rome or on Mars it doesn’t matter to the arc of the story. Who would you trust to hold this together? Who could be the one to ride this cacophony? Not the film director with their ‘auteur vision’ and their careful tip toeing over the bad angles. No, you need a Theatre Director. Someone that can fly seat of their pants night after night without the trick of edits and takes. The new media (hooray it’s back!) will be a study of Brecht, not Eisenstein.

This is how it will be. The stage is where the entertainment will be delivered, given the current trade shows, most likely a 3D screen of some sort. On your console will be found the synthespians Victoria 7 and Michael 8 or whatever the model is that year. We have props, clothing, scenery and so on. We buy the latest romance written by our Theatre team – not a time line but via motivations, obstacles, Jungian archetypes, all the ingredients. Our artist has devised a situation and it’s open to us to place it on Mars or Rome as we wish.

popup_3

Michael loves Vikki. Vikki wants to be an explorer – ‘wait for me’. But Stephanie is in the wings with designs on Michael. We’d prefer that Stephanie was Stephen – no problem, the faces and gestures are simply called up from a bank. The end is very sad. We tweak the motivations so that Vikki finds true love, and one of the viewers saves that version as her favourite. Everybody gets a boon – directors still direct, costumers design clothing that will be scanned and sold, musicians learn to use event driven composition tools. Even the actors will find fame as the greatest face or body movement to sweep over the consoles. Every viewer can play with the variables and hope one day to be a published creator. Jobs and dreams are restored.

The underlying technologies are already in place, but we lack a sufficient interface to direct them. For example MPEG-7 is an existing scheme for describing media such that it can be resynthesised, but it is so cryptic that it’s had very minor traction in the arts – especially compared to MPEG-1 Audio Layer 3 which we all know as ‘.mp3′. That thing that killed the music industry.

My future research would seem to be building an interface so that a director (or conductor) can use MPEG-7 to create with existing video and sound assets. For example direct a stored video rainstorm to clear up over a time set by a live performance. The interface is the missing element. To make a comparison – you could write directly in Portable Document Format – but it’s easier and more artistic to use Indesign.

The transition between real and virtual becomes easier. At my workplace they have a print shop, you can get your posters and books made there. They now have a 3D scanner, which can copy a small object, about the size of a figurine. And a 3D printer, which can make a real plastic copy of your 3D art. We hope to soon have a suit that records body motions, at which time we can have directors choreograph action for storage. Now that an art college can afford these things – a personal device is not too far off.

I’ve cheated by calling this a game, it’s not, but using motivations and problems to direct the action is closer to game design and I firmly believe that the future ‘film director’ must study both stage plays and computer games to be aligned with future trends in entertainment. Musicians must learn on FMOD as much as Cubase. Video should be seen projected on walls and 3D designers aligned with set builders. In effect we arrive exactly back at the same point as the last scribble – why disdain the game? Media Art is not going to follow the same worn tracks of the last half century.

It is going to melt, and that melt is going to be called Music.

First Past The Post

ADVERTISEMENT!!!!1♣ I have finished, well nearly finished, the super duper severed heads video collection and it’s a double DVD called Showbag*. Double DVD because that’s infinitely cheaper than 1 dual layer disc – economies of scale at work. More on this coming up on the old sevcom.com site.

* Yes, aware that there is a band called Showbag. There is probably a band name for every combination of words in the English language. This is God’s way of saying – guys, knock it off already. Have you checked to make sure there’s not an emo band using your surname? Phew!

So I have also nearly finished the minidisc that goes into the snappily titled Album 10542304 box set of different formats. Each of the elements in the box has to follow at least two rules: it should employ contemporary methods that best address the media, and it has to start with a piano. Lucky in this case, contemporary methods include a whole truck load of digital tomfoolery of the kind used by Autechre back in the 90′s. Which makes what was a piano into just about everything you ever wanted, so long as it has little clicking noises.

Autechre and friends working as Gescom recorded their minidisc back in the 90′s much to the pleasure of Sony Corporation, who gave them a resounding testimonial something along the lines of this band should be as popular and as long lasting as our minidisc format. Or maybe something less grim. Anyway, even though I’m not making the same record as they did, there’s only so much difference between gleep, blorp, splat and ticky ticky no matter who does it. Because it’s a very limited genre really and already has its own tombstone on which is written: Post Digital.

Say again?

Yes folks, we are in a Post Digital culture now. Various people have explained this to me and some of them, mostly those that were drunk at the time, made a lot of sense. Post is the word we use for the let down, the realisation that systems won’t take care of everything. Hence Post Modern in essence is the realisation that modernity wasn’t the answer to everything. Which makes sense but is a reactionary stance, no matter the sugar on top. It’s like the wise guy in the film who says, ‘that plan won’t work! You can’t climb twenty feet of sheer metal! I prefer the modern guy who says, ‘Well we have to try anyway!’ who usually ends up eaten by the monster in reel 6.

Post Digital is the failure of digital mechanisms, the skipping CD, the effects unit that overloads and makes splat sounds. It’s every tedious Oval album you wished you hadn’t bought. It’s now built into many digital recording tools such as Ableton Live, where failure can be successfully controlled and automated. In 2008 it’s also the 12 bar blues of electronic music. The rules seem to be pretty much in place and everyone knows them. That’s kind of Post Digital too I guess. But what worries me is that when I use analogue equipment that screws up, is that Post Analogue? Is tape hiss Post Analogue? I mean that makes every record that came out for decades unwittingly post something or other. Like Frampton Comes Alive. Very Post Analogue.

Taxonomy, folks. It keeps the university system rolling along.

Recently I was part of a seminar that also included some performances by academically endowed musician types. I was not one of them, being well known as ‘that fat bastard who does that old 80s stuff’. How little they know. Anyway the genre of the evening was most definitely 12 bar post digital, but to be honest it was the moments that didn’t fit that rule that made it bearable. Forget the names, there was the overall idea that this was a concert on the edge of something current, but only in the times where it leaned back into standards such as melody and rhythm that I found any interest. Lord help us if the fetishes of the 90′s became the new academy. MaxMSP, I have my guns out, I’m a coming for ya.

Are we ready for Post ‘Post’?