Man Cave Update

At 2 months, already a virile domain.

The first object that must grace any deserving man cave.20150913_204149

But it’s not all fun and games. One must have coloured lights and knobs. The base of the Tower of Power.


At the summit, those things that spurn knobs.


Things high up are less tactile.


Things that have not yet found their place.


Mixed with things that might never find a place.


Fruity Corky.


Elderly and or analogue.


It came from the flames (not Moroder).


And of course, beer. Needs something deeply offensive and troubling to open it with.


Third Life

First you need to read this. It’s fun. The guy wanders around abandoned university campuses in Second Life, and quite rightly wonders who the hell keeps paying the rent? And given the hullabaloo about Second Life at the time, its rapid decline and the sums of money that washed away on it, how can Linden Labs think they can do a reboot? They are going to do a reboot. Lordy lordy. Everyone is going to climb aboard the 3D Shit Train one more time. Virtual ding ding!

Today's guest lecturer will speak on corporate taxation law.

Today’s guest lecturer will speak on corporate taxation law.

You have Facebook buying up Oculus VR, Autodesk releasing a new game engine… it’s like having a relative with a drinking problem coming home with a wine cask. About now the futuro/apologists are getting all pumped to be the first to announce the New Thing – look, Coursera Over Oculus Brought To You By Facebook powered by Autodesk.

I used to be one of them. On the TV even. But I’ve been sober for a decade or more. I look at these guys, pumping it out in the tech columns of your local newspaper and I wonder how long before they regret their ice habits and carnival tattoos?

Roll up! Roll up! Every student wins a Certificate of Completion!

Roll up! Roll up! Every student wins a Gamification Badge!

Because they always talk about that sweet sweet high, when the technology potential hits the back of your brain and slides down slowly like sex. They don’t talk about that copy of VRML FOR DUMMIES that’s propping up a chair leg.

C.O.O.B.T.Y.B.F.P.B.A. will be a lovely thing, gods, it’s a lovely thing and one that will fill many happy hours of knitting. I dearly want to be in the locomotive of this shit mobile, I really do, paid or not, but I am sure a lot of pay is going to change hands. Already I know all kinds of people using 3D goggles to navigate some vague pixel blob that’s supposed to be a psychic blockage or some twaddle. Soon the research councils will see the complete inane uselessness of it and the desperate ‘innovators’ will have to switch over to exactly the same virtual campuses that the guy was writing about. But with better graphics.


Pardon me sir, is that the Chattanooga MOOC MOOC?

We need to be honest. We need to say we have been here before, so many times. It fails because we think it is innovation, that the creative industries are creative, that disruption is progress. So long as this is your driving force you are trapped in a cycle of illusion. Innovation is a coil that is self defeating. Everyone who wants to build some new world should, like our journalist, spend some time in quiet reflection in one of the old worlds.

I have written 3 new pages about equipment crap.

Arturia Keylab. Roland System-1M. Roland TR-8.


Please describe best American beer to have in your zone. We will be busy gentlemen and will not have time to go to your obscure beard shop I beg your pardon. But would like have a beer after work.

Thank you for your thoughts.Map_of_usa-7

Phoenix Rising

People deal with bereavement in different ways. I keep sadness private and gallows humour public. So just a warning that you’re going to get a bit of that. It’s an appropriate healing method.

You also probably know that rearranging the living space helps, as it swaps memories for potential (you know, living space). And one does tend to want to remove the spot-where-it-happened.

It also matters when somebody suffering a mental illness has occupied a section of the house, which they have slowly turned into an impenetrable twilight zone. It became a protective fort, filled to overflowing with clothing, bags, shoes, and Unknown Feminine Objects. The windows blocked off and lit by candles all day. Everything glued with dust and candle wax. I have spent days on end clearing it out. The main feature was bags. Under several layers of clothing there’ll be a big duffel bag marked PRADA in which there’s a outer bag marked PRADA, inside that will be the PRADA hand bag, inside that will be a PRADA purse and then inside that the sort of treasures they list in JRPG’s – golden coins? used tissues? strange doctor’s letter?


It’s about three weeks now and I’ve reached the bare floorboards. So what to do with this space? Once upon a time it was my studio, back before I had to sell all the gear. Seeing as I’ve started to re-acquire all this music junk I am set on building

Some people take the man cave too far. No, I just want to have something that is utterly different to what was there before. Besides, everyone else at my work gets to have an artist studio. In this space I will conduct an investigation into the nexus between musical interfaces and beer, in view of the paradoxical relationship between alcohol consumption, muscle memory and inspiration. I’ll need volunteers. And a cat.



For the last week I’ve had no phone line, no internet except that which comes over the ‘smart phone’. Holy Shit how do people ‘consume’ through that tenuous porthole? Here’s me holding the phone up in the air trying to catch a reasonable WiFi signal, just so I can maybe see 5 words at a time from a ‘mobile’ news site – which is bowdlerised to the hell to show only ‘popular’ news items. No wonder so many dumb-ass millennials if that’s their online experience.

Anyway – it’s relevant to the topic at hand – what is ‘a book’ in this year 2015? What will ‘a book’ be in 2025? This really should be of interest to budding media designers, who spend too much time creating content and not enough worrying about publishing it. I’m starting a course on this topic because it makes no sense to keep teaching people how to animate for film and TV. That’s like teaching how to hoist sails on a long ship. Good luck on the high seas matey. I am no expert in electronic publishing, but then again I got the gig teaching ‘film studies’ 7 years ago from being a musician, and no complaints.


There will be paper books, they will be expensive collectables, like vinyl. Never mind that foppery. There will tablets, watches and perhaps eReaders, although the most recent Kindles seem to announce death of the purpose designed reader. You would hope that the book would not just be a flow of endless text pulled from a word processor, and would in some way respond to the potential of the device with sound and animation.

In 2011 the ePub3 format finally took on fixed text and multimedia. But in 2015 most eReaders still do not properly reproduce this format.

Obviously Apple got sick of that shit and Embraced, Expanded and Extinguished it into iBooks. You can’t blame them for getting tired of waiting, in fact you have to admire their snappy Hugo Boss uniforms. But at some point the iPad will no longer be the Fuhrer, and iBooks will be a dead end. ePub, like HTML5, is a mongrel, but it’s the mongrel we have to adopt.

A group of Nazi troops and students gather seized papers and books to burn, in the Opernplatz, Berlin.   (Photo by Keystone/Getty Images)

Nazis and university students. (Photo by Keystone/Getty Images)

Most of Apple’s shenanigans have to do with punching Adobe in the face enough times to try kill it, but you can’t kill that which does not live. Example – having been punched for Flash, Adobe built a tool called Edge Animate that creates Javascript animations. People build these into iBooks. Apple updates iBooks with a kill switch for Edge. Adobe updates Edge with a cloaking device. I am mainly on Adobe’s side because at least they are building a tool, whereas Apple is breaking it. Flash may have been too hard on the first iPads, but that’s turned into an ancestral dispute.

My students need to publish visually dense books that represent artistic folios, and that means InDesign. It will make ePub3 as well as PDF, which is a strong format for print publication and archives, but a little too heavy for portable devices. You can also get a HTML5 website out of it, which might equally be a book in 2025.

Under the hood the ePub is an XHTML file, the format that lead to the great HTML rebellion (in which the W3c tried to move the community over to clean and tidy XHTML only to have outsiders instead propose the messy and forgiving HTML5 spec.). Sadly that means they preserve a religious schism that has since healed, and makes hand scripting difficult. An eBook also uses Scalable Vector Graphics, while HTML5 avoids this heavy computation. All up it’s the kind of file zoo that existed all over digital media back in the good old days.

Of course there are many more things that you can do on a pad that have artistic merit. If they want to dip into objective C then it’s their private hell. Some students might want to make ‘apps’, which run on watches. Bless them, I do not know how you can convey important things on a watch.

Will we make 2025 books? Will they be good books? Can we start a dialogue between engineer and artist?

Praise for ‘Walkies’

There is a kind of computer game where the player travels a world, first person, and takes in the sights. There’s a back story, often a mystery that needs exploring, and some mild struggle to navigate it. Mild struggle – the few antagonists, if any, are easily avoided and very rarely would you expect any shooting.


Gamers hate this. The genre is derided as ‘walking simulators’, a reference to the endless simulator games that pour out of Germany and Eastern Europe – ‘forklift simulator’, ‘garbage truck simulator’ – strange dull games for obsessives. Terrible reviews, few stars. Of course gamers themselves are getting some terrible reviews at the moment for their own lack of empathy and insight, so it’s tempting to ignore their protests. But they do have a point. As games, these titles suck. Perhaps that’s a good thing.

Consider Roger Ebert’s denunciation: Computer Games Can Never Be Art. It’s a good read, although his opponent is a bit lightweight. In there he points out the need for a game to have struggle and scoring. He’s on very firm ground here, he agrees with the pantheon of game theorists. You can’t have a game unless there’s a win. You can’t have a win without a battle – and so on.

I would like to turn this whole thing around. We can allow Ebert’s claim that it can’t be art if it’s a game. Therefore, it should not be a game. It can do everything that a game would do, but winning and scoring are not the primary purpose. And voilà – we have a strength, not a weakness.


“no one should have illusions about uncovering a complex gameplay experience … how am I meant to feel like I’ve just come through an arduous quest if nothing ever made me really think or work hard?” – Game informer on Journey.

As moving pictures became movies, and talking films became talkies, these mobile tales need a similar name – I prefer walkies.

This doesn’t automatically create art. Dear Esther is an example of a disappointing walkie. Ether One is a better walkie, but let down by a desire to be a game – the game aspect is way too hard perhaps as an over compensation. Now I am ‘playing’ (can that word still work?) MIND: Path to Thalamus, which is not a missing Skinny Puppy album but a rather good Spanish walkie featuring a storm chaser – a man that loves tornadoes, but has caused death by his enthusiasm. He is on a pilgrimage to atone for this sin.

Things that I get from this title:

It is visually and musically involving. I see and hear things that bring me excitement and pleasure. I am given time to admire these things. Unlike a film.

I am driven to explore, to see more. I have to admit I don’t play games very long if I’m constantly beaten. Nothing new to see means I lose interest. Gamers will talk about how many hours of play you get and complain these titles only give a few hours at most. Sure, if you ignore everything except winning. Stand still for a while. Then wonder what happens next.

There are ‘rails’ that pace the narrative. Most games have guides that deliver the player from level to level: Pac Man, Bioshock, Amnesia. Few are ‘sandboxes’ with no paths, notably Grand Theft Auto. Rails are the most extreme guide, as they exist inside the level, and Dear Esther has rail-itus. Ether One and Thalamus, not so much. A good walkie probably should not have rails, but this is something that authors are obviously trying to figure out. Yume Nikki is a sandbox.

There’s a strong story arc. You are pretty sure you know what’s going on, but you have to check it out. Or sometimes you have no idea and need to get to the end. Either way the payoff is the third act. You are satisfied by hearing the story to the end.

Some struggle against the world is required. It’s not just walking. But if you pause for thought, the answer comes to you. The world demands your attention and understanding.


“Horrible game. Boring story, just walking around, not scary at all. Great graphics, but that is not the important part. I hoped that i was near the end when i played this game, so i runned through everything that is ‘scary'” – Metacritic on A Machine For Pigs

A walkie is a subset of adventure, but you can have adventures that aren’t walkies. Bioshock is an action adventure – you can’t die, and a plot is revealed over the duration of the game. But I never got to admire the scenery for very long without drowning. Myst was the first walkie but perhaps erred to the unreasonable puzzles that mar adventures (and it had a maze which is instant fail).

Walkie is a helpful word because it takes a negative and spins it around to a call to action. Let’s drop the ‘game’ word. If people want to say these aren’t games then, yes they’re  right, and furthermore that’s an advantage. I would have loved Stalker to be a walkie, I really don’t want to have to kill and be killed just to see the zone. The film is great. Why can’t we have something that works like the film on a computer screen?


“Too much shooting and dying, not enough mysterious plot line” – Me.

Why must art students learn coding?

I’m not opposed to it. I’m actively organising it for my particular barrel of monkeys. But the opinion seems to be much stronger than the reasoning and I would be glad to hear a well formed argument as to why Mary has to put down the paintbrush and start to type…

… what? That’s the other thing. This expert wants Processing. That one is all for Max. Is Max coding? There’s Python and Objective C and snapping blocks together Scratch style. Sometimes I hear that such and such is only scripting which isn’t coding and well that just won’t do!


Look, when I was a teen I bought one of the very first home computers (the Trash 80) and sat down and learned how to code. I exhibited my nasty machine code hacking of a C64 in public way back in the early 80’s and have tried very hard to keep up with developments since. So I’m not swayed by platitudes like ‘coding is just like sketching and artists need to sketch ideas’. Excuse me, it’s nothing like sketching and anyone who says that should write their own paint software from scratch as punishment (I did that once, it sucked).

I am grateful for any considered opinion from people who have actually coded. Please no philosophers. Why is coding something that art/design students should learn?