Things I will miss from giving up media teaching.

maxresdefaultTim Burton.

“My character idea is called Frank Skelly. He’s kind of like a character from a Tim Burton movie. So he lives in this graveyard and it’s spooky but at the same time kind of fun, because everything is cartoonish like a Tim Burton movie. So anyway he’s going to get married to girl but she’s a ghoul like in that Tim Burton movie and … hey wait, I’m only on slide one…”

Grandmothers.

“I’m really upset at the moment, my grandmother died, I just can’t get the essay finished. No, last year was my mother’s mother, before that was my dad’s mother, this is my second stepdad’s mother. No, the one in 2015 was my adopted mother’s ex husband’s mother. Well I don’t know why they all died in exam week you are being really insensitive.”

Mothers.

“Jimmy tells me he doesn’t like what he’s studying here. He says it doesn’t fit with his aspirations. Jimmy is a very bright child, aren’t you darling, yes. He was top of his school. He needs his ideas to be accepted and positive feedback. How do you expect he will thrive if you keep being negative? He is very sensitive. I’m sure he doesn’t need to come to classes when he’s already so clever at all of this. No, Jimmy let me finish. Furthermore…”

Lectures.

“You explained it in the lecture? How were we supposed to know that? I don’t have time on that day. If only it was recorded, oh it is? How were we supposed to know that?”

Cameras.

“What sort of camera should I buy? I was thinking of a really expensive one. Yeah but I like the look of the expensive one. Yeah but Tim Burton uses the really expensive one. I’m sure I’d do more work if I had the expensive one. Why don’t we have the most expensive one in the resource center? No, that’s last year’s.”

Context.

“Why do we have to learn about the history, ideas and culture of the practice in which we hope to build our future career? Can’t we just do more Photoshop? The other degree just has Photoshop. I’m going to transfer there.”

Music.

“I got the music off a website. I got the sounds off a website. I got the dialogue off a website. I got the idea off a website. I got my entire mental process off a website”.

A series of photographs.

“I know I said I was going to stage an opera with a holographic stage setting and data collection of the audience’s hopes, dreams and wishes in real time – but I’ve decided to just do a series of photographs. How many do I have to do to pass?”

Game Culture.

“I am really into game culture, and my friends are all into game culture and I hope to have a career in games. This Level 6 Dwarf is a really important part of a cut scene in the game I’ve being playing 12 hours every day I and I don’t see why it’s ‘an insufficient major project idea’.”

Fine Art.

“The red stripe means the courage I had in high school which is opposed by the little blue squares, there’s 5 of those because I had like 5 boy friends that didn’t understand my feelings which you can see here is a bird in flight, no, not that, that’s a mountain. Well the mountain is the weight that held down my personal freedom and it’s also breast shaped you see that’s my change of sexuality that comes from when the bird comes up from this brown area here. The brown is my last break up. I’m really expressing my feelings about the whole planet here. That? That’s a cow. I like cows.”

12 thoughts on “Things I will miss from giving up media teaching.

  1. Think about lives you have changed for the better. There will be media people out their that were grateful for your “constructive critism” and your advice. I could probably add a few more headings to your piece myself but won’t. An excellent article, thank you.

  2. Girlfriend: Ah, they’re merging Art School X and Art School Y! It’s terrible.

    Me: Bah, Art School is for kids who can afford food.

    • On that point, it’s more: Art School Y has gone down the toilet and wants Art School X to rescue it. But every time Art School X tries, it gets punched in the face. Result is Art School Y drowns with its dignity intact. Idiot.

  3. When I was in TV production class I told my prof something like this: “I’d like to make a short film about a boy that rapes his donkey over and over again until they become husband and wife.” He then said back something like, “hey let’s go out for some drinks after class.” Sadly I think I still got a C. I ended up making a zombie movie that I never finished because “toaster time” was like an ounce of gold per second. The parts I did get done seemed pretty clever though. For instance, before the hero could slay any of the zombies (and they were from hell), he had to go to taco bell for a burrito. Also, his co-hero decoded some sort of ancient zombie script using clues he found in a book he ordered from the book of the month club….ah, glory days..

  4. Oh so perfect. I always wondered how some of them ever got out their front door in the mornings. Higher education. More like hire education. Idiot farms, really sad it has even trickled (read as f’n flooded) into the arts and music programs too. I cant tell you how many times I heard “I’m a Director” or “I’m a producer” not I want to be a…fill in the blank position. Sad thing was most of the faculty were the ones teaching them that mentality and ego stroking each other. Really want to be a fly on the wall in the first interview of some of these kids….”but I’m a Producer”, interviewer, “ok, well then go produce me some coffee putz”. Ha ha. Unfortunately just gives more credence to the behavior and lack of respect of asshole company execs and managers etc and their warped image of media professionals. The trend of cutting jobs that used to be 3 different positions, now they roll into one and still pay less instead of 3x. Cause all you have to do is some keystrokes, or waive a magic wand, or open “the youtube” or etc etc etc. Even a trained monkey could do it right…not as dificult as their job of talking on the phone all day, sexually harrasing the women folk, or “managing” (giving instructions on something they have not one clue about…but they know people right). Who is really the trained monkey?

  5. the best excuse I had for not being in my typography class

    “I am housing sitting a friends house while he is away, and I have to walk the pet turtle, Ill send you a pic of the turtle”

  6. I was once asked, during an Ancient History unit at uni, to critique at least two of my fellow students’ essays as part of the assessment process. I only managed one, and even then I threw up in my mouth halfway through (it was, from memory, the point where the cited reference was diametrically opposed to the point they were making). I still get a migraine thinking about the experience, even after more than twenty years….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *