A special message from the State Department

Ladies and Gentlemen. At this very moment, people of conviction, those who stand up for what is right and strive for freedom and to bring down tyranny – these people risk torture at the hands of regimes whose hold on power is threatened by the light of public exposure.

Such a man is that little shit Bradley Manning, whose brains are going to be mush by the time I even think about unleashing a trial. Asshole made me look stupid, handing out all that intelligence so I had to work the phone for days trying to wipe the crap off my face. So who’s going to look stupid after 23 hours solitary confinement a day for 8 months? You and your Australian buddy are going down.

This seems appropriate. It meets our basic standards.

You fuck with me you fuck with royalty. By the time the drugs are finished with you’ll wish you were Chinese. You’ll wish you were slaving iPads. And when I get my hands on Asswipe he’ll be coming out a Florida gator’s butthole.

Anything you say. Anything you want. Please like me.

Y’all lieberal pussies. I’d heat up a big metal metal dildo and shove it up his ass. Right up his ass. He’d be spilling the truth about Obama Bin Laden and that Bigfoot.

KICK HIS FACE IN KICK HIS FACE AGAIN AND AGAIN SO IT SPURTS EVERYWHERE KICK HIS FACE SO HELP ME JESUS

The United States will continue to stand up for freedom, stand up for justice, and stand up for the dignity of all people.

Please let me have an American flag behind my head oh please please please I’ll sign anything.

OH GOD Thank You.