Ellard

One. You are less likely to hear Google used as a verb. This one reason is enough, but I give you more!

Two. A worried company is a company that works for you. Sick of reading press about the Google Ideas Hammock hanging in the Google Moss Garden next to the Google 5 Star Staff Restaurant? Just sick of hearing about Google? Does the idea of people carrying on like it’s still the 90′s Dot Com Boom make you queasy? The moment the stock price slips the tiniest bit those dandies will be in cubicles, sweating on your whims. It’ll be a great growing up experience for them.

Three. Google has your search history for the last couple of years on file, and have some intrusive advertising they know you’ll just love. But imagine a world without Adsense. Google have many other less annoying ways to make money – via Blogger, YouTube, Picasa … but they give these away simply to destroy their competitors, who then turn into ad agencies as well. It’s like a virus or a zombie film. This is also the only reason they fund Firefox so don’t be so smug about that. They are as evil as everyone else, yet they claim to have a philosophy. They need a swift kick in the scholars.

Four. First scan everyone’s books, then negotiate a protection racket. Nice work if you’re the Mafia. Likewise for cached pages, street photos … Google doesn’t ask they just go and do it. Just like every other corporation Google uses its monopoly to force control over culture, to which people (especially the EU) are strangely blind. The antidote to monopoly is competition.

Five. Google’s taskbar is spyware crap and I don’t want it no matter how many time it’s bundled at me. Google Updater is far worse, it installs into your OS and if you try delete it, it reinstalls. That’s nasty. How did we deal with Real Networks? We stopped using them. Only by giving them hell will Google stop being the new Real Player. Can you seriously imagine the hide of these guys wanting to store your medical records? They will find a way to sell them. It’s Google.

Six. Cuil was a complete joke. Wolfram Alpha is some kind of demented pocket calculator. Bing is actually usable, which shouldn’t be surprising, but it is. I wouldn’t say it was better, but it’s not noticeably worse. I’ve been running it, no great pain involved.

Seven. In the 1968 film Bing! Richard Burton’s Angel of Death character utters this word every time he hears the waves crashing against the rocks below the cliff-side villa. He explains to Sissy Goforth at one point that “Bing!” is the sound of “the shock of each moment of still being alive”

Eight. The only way to defeat Godzilla is with Mothra. By which I mean only Microsoft is big enough to puncture Google. Stalin VS Hitler – you do not have to love either of them. Hopefully they will beat each other into submission and be so wounded as to give way to other newcomers.

Nine. Bing Crosby. Smooth.

Ten. No matter what you type in, Google will find millions of useless misleading hits. And you can’t refine the search. Millions of hits is not any better than a hundred useful links. Right now Bing seems to be less likely to throw up any damn garbage it finds. Nevertheless, if they fought it out maybe the quality would get better on both sides.

Really it comes down to this: Google is a cancer. Bing is the chemo. Losing some hair is for your own good.