I am The Walrus

 

I admit sometimes sitting at my desk at work with no coherent thought in my head. (A pause from the great and deep thoughts that usually live there.) At those moments I might tweet some bullshit or look at eBay.

 

One day I looked at eBay and saw something that had just been added, saw $50, and immediately bought it. I mean in a matter of seconds. It was only afterwards that I looked at what the hell it was. It has wooden ends, knobs, a ribbon controller. The logo looks enticing. I found a video of someone playing it and had to conclude it sounded like a walrus trying not to vomit. My apologies to the creator of this fine instrument, but still.

 

Some interesting facts: the ANALOG RIBBON SYNTH BY HARD MOD is hand made in Mexico. The unit I now own belonged to a local Shakespearean company, and was noted as never used. Of course you are putting on Othello or something and you say – we really need something that sounds like a walrus trying not to vomit. But once it arrives, cooler heads prevail.

 

What it does is send a saw wave through a low pas filter. Two LFOs control the pitch of the oscillator and a third controls the filter cutoff. That’s it. But the LFOs are able to move into audio frequencies and so the Kawai S100F has a rival in ear spitting ring modulated screeches.

 

Apparently the phones ran hot after I had snapped this up, as people without my lightning greed were left out in the cold. Fuck ’em. This hole was made for me.

THIS TOY IS EASY BUT WHO KNOWS
WHAT'S HAPPENING?

 

IT MAKES HORRIBLE SOUNDS

THE SOUND QUALITY IS HORRIBLE

IT WAS CHEAP AND IS RARE

 

ITS RATING IS LET'S GO TO THE ZOO

CONTAINS NUTS

It was either this or a red car and I think I chose wisely.