MAN CAVE, a grotesque of mid life crisis
We are poor sinners crawling upon the face of the Earth. We are weak and mortal. There is no shame in admitting that we are often mistaken. At this moment you are mistaken because you have not yet agreed that the Novation Ultranova is the greatest musical instrument of all time. I will give you a moment.
The very worst is to be apostate, like the guy that sold me this. He not only lacked the truth but acted to rid himself of it, and once I safely received the holy device I burned down his house to save his immediate family from the shame of its absence.
It’s customary in reviews to say things like ‘on the balance’ or ‘for some people’ or ‘you might disagree’. I will not waste time on that nonsense although I will give a suitably short consideration to some of your obvious niggles. The keyboard is neither too short or too long. Too short and you will find yourself trilling in thin air. Too long and it doesn’t fit up the stairs. The keys are neither too heavy or too light – pounding wooden keys is for people in beebop bands and that is beneath the Ultranova. There is not a plethora of knobs nor is it a controller desert void of life. It is not coloured some juvenile red nor some fake memory of 70’s wood. It is blue, like the cloak of the Virgin Mary.
You ask what it sounds like. I say what does it not sound like? It is wooden and metallic and harsh and gentle and shimmery and warm and if you made up a word, like gostraquilia I would say hell, the word starts and ends with patch G127. You want synch sweeps, grunge, wavetables, string machines, bloops, borborygmus, choirs, cats, just keep reciting and I will nod with full conviction that I am right to do so.
Why bother comparing it to any other brand of synthesiser? That would be futile. Compared to the Supernova it is more precise and deft. It has less voices but each has more voices within. With both you have hammer and screwdriver. Compared to the Ass Station 2 it has 17 more layers of beef patties and special sauce but it can be just as angry young man when it wants. Compared to the Mininova it doesn’t fall apart when you try use it and the wheels are very very BRIGHT BLUE. The Mininova sounds just as good but just dips under greatness by being a miniature poodle. The Ultranova is a standard poodle.
Put it this way. Take all of your wo/man cave in view and ask yourself – what would I sell first? Keep going until one thing is left. That for me is the Ultranova.
I am happy for you leave comments. However if you disagree with me I will justifiably replace them with entirely supportive cheering.
THIS TOY IS PERFECT
IT MAKES PERFECT SOUNDS
THE SOUND QUALITY IS PERFECT
IT WAS TOO CHEAP AND IS COMMON
ITS RATING IS YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE SURELY?
It was either this or a red car and I think I chose wisely.